


villain in my own eyes

by MythologicalHoe



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst Fueled by Poor Life Choices, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fighting Rings, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Redemption, Maybe A Happy Ending idk, Rey Kenobi, Rey Needs A Hug, Rey needs a teacher, teenagers to adults
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-01-18
Packaged: 2019-10-08 02:13:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17377634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MythologicalHoe/pseuds/MythologicalHoe
Summary: Rey is kidnapped from Jakku because she has the force, and herded into a group of kids who also have the Force. The Supreme Leader needs an apprentice, and forces all of these kids to fight to the death to figure out who the strongest and smartest apprentice will be. It doesn't go quite the way that Rey was expecting it.***Rey woke up on a ship, sterile and cold, and the first thought she had was that this wasn’t an upgrade from Jakku. She could hear the creaking of a large ship in space, dealing with adjustments to pressure. The low thrumming of oxygen that was keeping her alive. She started to get her bearings better, feeling a dull ache in her head. What had happened? She remembered being in her home when a large shadow loomed over it. A ship bigger than a leviathan had come to collect her. Some stormtroopers talking about a Supreme Leader named Snoke who was gathering all the Force Sensitives in the galaxy. Rey kicked and screamed and fought tooth and nail, but that didn’t seem to help her in the least bit.





	1. awakening

**Author's Note:**

> HELLO, hi, I really put a lot of effort into this first chapter and not making it my standard 1k update. I really wanted to make something special, and I hope you guys like it and feedback is appreciated. Like, really. I would really really really love some comments to see what you guys think. I am also looking for a couple of beta readers and literally no one on Tumblr has responded to my post asking so I'm going to ask here! If you're interested in betaing this fic or any other of my fics, please contact me @goodnightmoonss

Rey woke up on a ship, sterile and cold, and the first thought she had was that this wasn’t an upgrade from Jakku. She could hear the creaking of a large ship in space, dealing with adjustments to pressure. The low thrumming of oxygen that was keeping her alive. She started to get her bearings better, feeling a dull ache in her head. What had happened? She remembered being in her home when a large shadow loomed over it. A ship bigger than a leviathan had come to collect her. Some stormtroopers talking about a Supreme Leader named Snoke who was gathering all the Force Sensitives in the galaxy. Rey kicked and screamed and fought tooth and nail, but that didn’t seem to help her in the least bit. 

There was no one else in the room with her, nothing but a toilet and a blanket that had been thrown into the room haphazardly. She didn’t see any way to escape, just a big, solid metal door that wasn’t going to open from the inside. She bit her lip, wondering what fate awaited her. She didn’t have to wait long though. The ship groaned and she lurched. The door opened, and stormtroopers filed into her room. “There’s no point in fighting,” They told her. “We outnumber you.” She didn’t say anything, just got up when they told her to get up. She knew to pick her battles. This wasn’t one that she was going to win, even if she wanted to. 

They cuffed her and took her out onto a main ship, where Rey saw multiple girls and boys  were also being manhandled and brought into lines of people that had the force. There were about a hundred other teenagers, and Rey felt claustrophobic despite the fact that she was in a large place. Then someone nudged her. A boy who was taller than her, with dark brown hair and dark dark eyes. He looked about sixteen, a year older than Rey. 

He was right next to her, and the both of them were pushed forward.  _ Get into my line.  _ Rey’s eyes widened, had the boy opened her mouth to speak? She wasn’t sure. 

_ Get into my line, now.  _

_ Why?  _ Rey didn’t know how she had talked back to the other kid like she did, but she wasn’t really sure that she should question it at this point in time. 

_ Just trust me.  _

Rey didn’t know why, but she trusted him and got into her line, the boy pushed her behind her and the other girl behind her just glared. She looked too scared to say anything to the stormtroopers that were corralling them. 

Rey looked to the line she was in, she noticed that the girls and boys that were underfed or from the outer planets were being corralled into that line were being taken away from the rest of the group. That part of the ship that they were being taken to was older, rust and darkness around the hall that they were being led down.    


_ My name is Kylo.  _ _   
_

_ Rey. _ _   
_

_ I know.  _   


They kept going, and Kylo seemed to be blocking the other stormtroopers view as they kept walking. “Two to a cell,” One of the stormtroopers said, “don’t complain about your roommate, you’re not getting a change unless you please the Supreme Leader.” 

 

Someone put their hands on Kylo, and then Rey, pushing them into a room and then closing the door. Rey didn’t say anything, but kylo talked first. “Are you okay?” He asked Rey. 

 

Rey opened her mouth to speak, but then shut it. Her mind was reeling. She didn’t know what to do. “You can talk, right?” To be honest, Rey wasn’t sure. She hadn’t talked since she was seven years old, she just looked up, and to the side of the room. Kylo followed Rey’s eyes up to the ceiling. There was a camera in the corner of the room. “Oh,” 

Kylo went quiet, but Rey could feel a burning heat in her mind. She could feel him there, searching on information on who she was and where she was from. Rey clammed up, partially out of fear, and shut her out. She didn’t know about how she was doing that.  _ It’s okay,  _ Kylo said,  _ you’re afraid and you’re confused. Let me explain.  _

_ What’s going on?  _ Kylo seemed oddly calm about everything. 

 

_ Do you know what the force is? You have it. The First Order is collecting girls who have the force because Snoke needs an apprentice.  _ Rey didn’t know how to process any of the things that were happening at this point. Instead she decided to focus on the groaning and whirring and the inner workings of the ship. That’s when she heard it, cries of pain and fear and blasters. Rey felt nauseous. Those people were dead, she had been in that line of people and Kylo had told her to cross over into his line.  _ Do you trust me now?  _

 

_ Yes.  _

* * *

  
  


Ben Solo’s name wasn’t Kylo Ren, but that was the name that he gave to Rey. He had an idea of what was going on, the Supreme Leader wanted to pick an apprentice, and although the Great Supreme Leader had already gotten in his head and told him that he was looking to him to be the champion of these challenges, it was only fair and generous to give these other people a chance. That was an acceptable exchange for him, he wouldn’t want to disagree with the Supreme Leader. 

But when he saw the others, especially Rey, he wasn’t so sure that he could do this. Rey was small, and weak, someone he should be disgusted by but for some reason he could feel her fear so much more deeply in his head and in his mind. It was almost disturbing how intense it was, and he found himself curious. Way to curious about it. That’s why he saved her life. His mind burned and he wanted to talk, wanted to talk to her so bad, but for some reason she wasn’t wanting to talk so far. 

The door opened and Kylo expected stormtroopers to file in, but this time, men in black First Order costumes came in, the Stormtroopers waiting outside the door for them. “If you behave, you’ll be rewarded well. Come with us.” Both Rey and Kylo fell in line, and Kylo felt Rey’s instinct to claw tooth and nail because she didn’t want to do what these people wanted. But there was also another part of her, something more logical that was keeping her from doing just that. Kylo was glad of that, because her exercising some control was probably keeping the both of them alive right now. 

 

_ Do you know what’s going to happen? How does the Supreme Leader pick their apprentice? What do they do?  _ All valid questions, ones that Kylo wasn’t sure how to answer. He didn’t know what was going to happen, he just knew that it was best to keep her calm. 

 

_ It’s going to be okay, just wait it out and see. Afterwards we can come up with a plan and work together.  _ This girl was going to die. There was no way around it. He could see it now, she would be one of the first ones out, and maybe it would have been kinder to just let her die by the firing squad. He couldn’t think about that now, this girl was in his head and she could learn how to get into his head and hear more of his thoughts. 

* * *

  
  


The lair that they were lead into was large and blood, blood red. Perhaps that was a sign of something that was coming to pass. Rey’s stomach churned when she thought about the things that would come to pass. 

The Supreme Leader was there, large and old and grotesque. Rey hid next to Kylo Ren and the other older kids as she looked at him. He looked like an old, warped mushroom the more that she thought about it. Rey hadn’t found herself so repulsed since the day she had last seen Unkar Plutt. 

 

How many days had it been since she had last been on Jakku? She didn’t know. Had she been out for all of it or had she blocked it out. Rey tried to stop herself from asking these questions. The Supreme Leader was a powerful being, and if he saw fear then he would strike. She wouldn’t survive to tell the tale, and Rey needed to survive. She wanted to find her family. She needed to find her family. Rey would survive. No matter what she meant. 

 

“Do you know why you’ve been gathered here?” That was a rhetorical question, obviously. One kid wanted to say something but someone was charitable to punch them in the leg and shut them up. “You have the force, and I am in need of a great power to serve me.” Rey wanted to ask why he needed a  _ great power  _ to serve him when he was supposedly such a mighty person himself, but she didn’t because she valued her life enough to be decent. “In order to do this, I have gathered all of you children for a  _ process of elimination if you will.  _ You all will be put to the test, fighting your others at random. You will kill in order to survive, in the end the last one to be standing will be the victor and get to be my apprentice in which you will bring the First Order, me, and most important of all, yourself glory.” 

 

Some of the kids seemed empowered by this notion, but not Rey. She felt sick and she was hungry, and she wanted to zone out and start listening to the speech that was going on right now but she knew that that wouldn’t be the best decision. “Between each round you will be given time to train with the help of a few experienced individuals to give you the opportunity to improve and succeed. When you get back to your cells you will be provided with clothes and food, and that is where my kindness ends.” Rey was thankful when they left Snoke’s chambers and were herded back roughly to their chambers. She sat down on one of the cots, claiming it as hers as she did so. 

 

“So,” Kylo didn’t know how to start conversation after that very ominous meeting, and Rey didn’t blame him. She tried her best to open her mouth again, to say something, she had screamed before so she knew that her vocal chords could make noise but when she thought of things to say, she got nothing. She ended up coughing instead. “You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to. You’re shy, I get it, and we can still — talk — you know?” She nodded, feeling guilty that she couldn’t just talk to him. A little voice in the back of her mind told her not to trust him, not to let him into her might like that. 

 

“I can help you during training, I do know some about the Force. I was training before I was taken. If we stick together right now, we can grow stronger you know?”  _ Don’t trust him.  _ That voice was starting to grow stronger, but Rey didn’t know what other choice she had than to at least pretend to trust the boy in front of her. If he knew about the force as much as he said he did, and she knew that he did know at least some about that, then she would be able to learn enough to try and survive the other people that knew more about the force. 

 

She knew that she shouldn’t get attached to him, and she was sure that she would be capable in doing such a thing, because inevitably they would have to fight each other at some point if the both of them were going to survive that long. She didn’t want to think about it right now, but if she was going to be real with herself she had to say that that was going to happen. And she needed a teacher. 

 

* * *

  
  


**_Five Years Later_ **

Rey’s knuckles were bloodied and scarred but she was well fed and happy, she sat on top of an oil drum eating one of the ration bars absentmindedly. She and Finn were watching Poe Dameron fix his X-Wing. “He’s really cute,” Finn muttered. Rey raised an eyebrow, bemused. 

“You should go for that.” She said. “Ask him out,” 

“I don’t know if he’s into that though, he kind of flirts with everyone, so it’s really hard to tell.” 

 

“I get that,” Rey shrugged, “he doesn’t flirt with me though.” 

“He’s flirted with you, you’re just oblivious and in love with a weird guy.” Rey rolled her eyes, “We don’t talk about that. Not now. We’re having a good time.” 

 

“Right.” Finn said. “A good time.” 

 

* * *

 

The training room was big and sterile and cold as well, and Rey seemed to be seeing a common theme in everything about the First Order. The fact that everything was unforgiving and cold and unwelcoming. She didn’t like it. Every second she was here she wanted to be here less, and she couldn’t focus. This was probably making Kylo want to teach her less, seeing how useless she was.  “You need to center yourself,” Kylo told her. “Focus on what you’re doing. Meditate.” 

 

_ Everyone else is fighting, why can’t I fight?  _ Kylo laughed, and Rey had a feeling that he knew that was she was saying was valid. 

 

“I remember that feeling,” He told her. “I’ve never been very good at meditating.” 

 

_ Then why are you trying to teach me how to do it? _

 

“Because no offense, if we start fighting right now, you’re so scrawny that you’ll probably get killed by a punching bag swinging back at you. So you need to find the Force first, think of it as your friend, something inside you that keeps you fighting, that keeps you alive.” 

* * *

  
  


**_Five Years Later_ **

 

Kylo Ren knew how to survive, but he didn’t know how to live. Maybe that’s why he went back to Snoke. Snoke accepted Ren with almost open arms, taught him how to be stronger, bigger than himself. Kylo Ren knew how to ascend past his pain and cut people down in order to get to the thing that he needed. 

He always got his mission done, and he was always successful, no matter what the task was. This task might be the hardest task that he had ever gone through yet. He remembered the day that the Supreme Leader had given him his tasks that he was to carry out. “You are to wipe out the Resistance.” He had told Kylo. At first, Kylo was confused. They had never really been focused on the Resistance, more of the destruction of the old ways of the Force and the creation of something new. “And I want you to start with your family, Han Solo, Leia Organa, Luke Skywalker, and that wretched Wookie.” Kylo said nothing, his stomach churning a little. His sickness reminding him that he hadn’t eaten in a long while. “And then I want you to take out that wretched little thing that you called your equal once, prove your true loyalty to me. Then, you may wipe out the rest of the Resistance. Keep them away from hindering our goal.” 

 

Kylo had nodded and told the Supreme Leader that he would do anything to please him, that he wouldn’t fail, and then he got ready. He trained, and trained, and trained, exerting his body more and more. The exercising kept him from thinking about the unspeakable acts he had to commit, exerting himself so much that he would go to bed exhausted and not be haunted of dreams of the past. 

 

Not be haunted by her. 

 

It was always her, in his dreams. 

 

The days where he didn’t exhaust himself, he was a light sleeper. In his dreams he would see traces of Rey, and he jolted awake in a cold sweat. Sometimes he pinched himself to convince himself that he was awake, that she wasn’t there, that she wasn’t real. Sometimes he turned to other things to make sure that he was awake. The scars that littered his body weren’t just from combat. 

 

He didn’t want to kill Rey, he never did, but that didn’t matter now. His feelings weren’t a part of this. 

 

* * *

  
  


Rey meditated for the first training session that she had, and she was there long after some of the other kids had petered out and were already going back to their cell. Kylo was there with her, giving her constructive criticism when she couldn’t set still and correcting her posture, and right before they went back, she felt it. It was a light flutter at first, something that was hard for her to feel. But she grabbed onto it, with an iron tight grip, and it sucked her down, down, down. She could feel the thrumming pulse of everyone on this forsaken ship. 

 

She could feel the pulsing energy of the lights and the thoughts, it was too much, and when she opened her eyes she was drenched in sweat, and things aroun d her had been levitating. Rey was terrified. Everything fell to the ground and Kylo rushed towards her, trying his best to reassure her that she was okay, that everything was okay. This was normal. The force had awakened her, and she was powerful, so powerful. She would be able to survive the fight that came for her. She didn’t know if she really processed any of his affirmations. Her hands shook as she got up and the stormtroopers lead her and Ren back to their cell. “Names will be chosen tonight when we escort you to the mess hall for dinner.” He told them. That didn’t make Rey feel any better. 


	2. split lip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hey sorry for the short update! I'll update again and make it longer if I get at least three comments! Thanks!

Dinner was not rich or full of nourishment, but Rey was used to that. She grew up on Jakku after all. She and Ben sat across from each other, eating in silence. No one was supposed to talk to each other out here, otherwise they would be punished. Rey didn’t want that to happen. Ben would look up at her, giving her a reassuring look, and she would feel a little better if not uneasy.  _ Everything will be okay. You’re probably not going to get called the first time.  _ Rey tried to take solace in that idea.

* * *

  
  


Leia had given Rey a cup of hot caf and sat her down at a table in her office. They were alone. Rey didn’t know why she was so nervous. Leia had always been more than a good friend to her. She shouldn’t be nervous, “I’m afraid I have some bad news.” Rey said. 

 

“It’s about him, isn’t it?” 

 

Leia nodded, and Rey felt her stomach flip. “He’s been spotted.” It had been five years since Rey had seen Ben Solo, a lot of that time she spent wondering if he was dead, but she knew a far worse fate had befallen him. “Our spies speculate he’s coming for you with not so friendly intentions,” Rey knew that he would be coming for her, eventually. 

 

She just wished that it wasn’t true. She knew that eventually, Rey would have to kill Ben. She didn’t want to. All she wanted to do was ask him why he left. What could she have done to keep him there. She would probably never be able to ask him those things. 

 

“Rey,” Leia said, “I want you to know that while I love my son, I don’t expect you to bring him back. If he tries to hurt you, I want you to put yourself as a priority.” She felt like she was going to throw up. 

 

“I have to leave.” Rey said.

* * *

  
  
  


Two names were called. 

 

Ben Solo. 

 

Xianu Connix. 

 

Rey felt her stomach flip as she heard Ben’s name echo through her head. She wasn’t supposed to trust him, she should be glad that his name was being called but she was not. He was her teacher, and if he was to die, then there was a strong possibility that she wouldn’t fair well for much longer. He didn’t seem to be bothered by it. 

 

When they got back to their cell, Rey felt like she was going to cry. It seemed like Ben wanted to make sure that she didn’t. “Hey,” He told her, “I wouldn’t worry about me if I were you.” He smiled a little, and Rey felt at ease. “It’ll be fine.” 

 

“But what if he’s stronger than you?” She sat down on her cot and Kylo sat next to her. 

 

“Can I let you in on a little secret, Rey?” 

 

“What?” 

 

“The best fighters aren’t the strongest ones but the ones that are smart enough and have the will to survive.” Rey decided that they made sense. “Do you think I’m smart?” Rey nodded, he certainly knew more about the Force than she did. “Do you think I have the will to survive?” 

 

“I don’t know, do you?” 

 

“Yes, I do. I’m going to be fine.” 

 

“But what about, you’re going to have to—”

 

“It’s better to think of it as a game,” He told her, “it’ll hurt less if you think of it as a game.” Rey nodded, supposing he was right. “Everything will be okay though, I promise. I have to stay alive to teach you about the Force, I’m not going to die and leave you hanging. Got it?” Rey nodded again. She didn’t say anything this time. She was tired and she didn’t want to be here.

 

* * *

  
  
  


“You okay?” Poe came up to sit next to Rey, who was looking up at the stars over the line of trees. “You look upset.” Rey didn’t say anything because she didn’t really know what to say. 

 

“I guess I am.” She said. 

 

“Wanna talk about it?” 

 

“I wouldn’t want Finn to worry,” Poe stared at her for a minute, and she knew that he was wondering what could be so bad that she didn’t want Finn to worry. Poe had always been that sort of person that was easy to talk to, despite the fact that he wasn’t as strong of friends with Rey as Finn was.    
  


“You don’t have to tell him.” Poe told her. “Just pour your heart out to me, sweetheart. I won’t tell him.” 

  
  
  


“Promise,” She turned to him, head against the wall in the hangar that the both of them were sitting in. 

 

“Fine,” She sighed. “I think that he’s going to be coming after me.” He was silent as he examined her. “Leia told me that someone saw him, and that he doesn’t look like he has friendly intentions.” 

 

“Oh man.” Poe said, “I’m sorry. That sounds awful, but I won’t let him get to you. You know that, right? Kylo has another thing coming to him if he thinks he can get through me.” 

 

“Your confidence is stellar,” Rey rolled her eyes, “that’s so reassuring.” 

 

“I get what I want.” Poe shrugged. “And I want you to be safe, you’ve helped me and Finn so much.” 

 

* * *

 

Rey stayed in the cell when she was given a chance to watch the fighting. She didn’t want to see someone else die until it was unpreventable for her. So she waited and waited and waited and convinced herself with every more passing minute that Ben was dead. 

 

Until it was midnight and he stumbled through the door with blood on his knuckles, a split lip and a smile. There was something so blank and emotionless that it sent chills down Rey’s spine. He fell on his cot, closing his eyes. “I just need a nap right now, then I’ll teach you more about the Force.” She didn’t even get to tell him that he did a good job before he fell asleep. 

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope you like this and check out my other fics! Also if you're interested in being a beta, reminder to please contact me @goodnightmoonss on tumblr! Love y'all, I appreciated you reading and I really appreciate comments. It helps on stressful days when I'm depressed to cheer me up. Thank you so much!


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